F TROOP Fridays: "The Great Troop Robbery" (1966)

F TROOP Fridays - Number 43

F TROOP:  "The Great Troop Robbery" (ABC-TV/Warner Brothers 1966) Season Two, Episode 39.  Original Air Date: October 6, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Bob Steele as Duffy, Joe Brooks as Vanderbilt, Ivan Bell as Dudleson.  Special Guest Star Milton Berle as Wise Owl.  Written by Stan Burns and Mike Marmer.  Directed by Seymour Robbie.

Talk about a con man getting conned.  Corporal Agarn has purchased Thunder the Wonder Horse from a traveling medicine show.  Dubbed "the smartest horse in the West", Thunder doesn't live up to his billing when attempting to dance or count, but when Agarn channels his inner Evel Knievel, Thunder is smart enough to pull up before jumping a hitching rail.  Unfortunately our Corporal kept going, and ended up concussed and confused as a result.

"THAT'S the smartest horse in the West?"

Post-injury Agarn is behaving strangely: much more astute in his judgement despite misremembering his name and O'Rourke's among a number of memory lapses.  One might consider this a positive side effect, but then the entire troop is robbed of money and belongings and Randolph's strange behavior and close proximity makes him the primary suspect.  Crazy Cat and Dobbs are also under suspicion, and the troop turns to the new Hekawi medicine man Wise Owl to investigate.

"He go from tribe to tribe--has couch, will travel!"

Milton Berle guest starring on F TROOP.  This was apparently after the showdown with Tuck that has only become more legendary over the years, so I can only imagine what locker room talk on the set was like.  While we viewers can't be privy to that, we do get a heaping helping of witty onscreen dialogue from Burns and Marmer (Too Many Cooks Spoil the Troop).  A lot is generously thrown Berle's way, he gets all the usual wisdom (see below) and Chief Wild Eagle deferentially vouches for the traveling psychologist/detective/medicine man.  Spoiler alert!--Wild Eagle's endorsement ultimately proves to be a rare lapse in his judgement for the usually savvy Hekawi leader.  I can say rare, but not unprecedented (Honest Injun).

"For confession, getting there is half the fun!"

It isn't just the Chief showing very special respect to our guest.  After Wild Eagle's endorsement, O'Rourke hires Wise Owl to identify the thief and recover the stolen property for $2 hourly.  The Captain is also taken in, putting his savings at risk to trap the guilty party and even giving the Wise one use of his office!   One has to wonder why such a revered shrink and investigator feels the need to put that seemingly thriving business reputation in jeopardy by theft--maybe he just can't control his kleptomania?  

"Vanderbilt isn't aiming at us, Sergeant."

"I know that.  If he was I wouldn't be worried!" 

As was the case in their previous entry, Burns and Marmer give our secondary characters a little extra love.  Vandy hilariously guards the barracks after everything has been stolen, and suspects Dobbs and Crazy Cat get more time in the spotlight than usual, albeit via the Wise One's rather brutal interrogation methods.  The anticipated sly satirization of absolute power and its abuse is followed by the first limits to that hastily granted power--Wise Owl has Parmenter and Wild Eagle pulling their respective manuals out.  While Dobbs and Agarn both face blazing heat in his efforts to draw an admission, Crazy Cat probably endures the cruelest questioning.

Berle doesn't disappoint with the wide berth he's given.  He's nowhere near as hammy as Rickles nor as imposing as Korman, contributing mightily to this most vaudevillian of F TROOPs.  A thoroughly appropriate assignment for the writers, who were on the staff of Berle's 1966 series comeback (that lasted only a week into 1967 on ABC) and later worked together on practically every successful variety show of the late 1960's and 1970's (i.e. DEAN MARTIN, FLIP WILSON).  This was their second and last F TROOP, with both their freelance scripts proving to be winners.  

"Not think Crazy Cat type to steal."

While Wild Eagle originally outs Crazy Cat's wampum problems at home, it is heartening to see that when the chips are down the Chief gives Crazy Cat the grace that his assistant rarely (re: never) gives him.  O'Rourke casually throws Dobbs into harm's way in an effort to deflect suspicion from his amnestic V.P., but to be fair the Sarge knows the Captain will protect his orderly.  As always, keeping business running smoothly probably motivates our Enterprisers more than altruism, and con man Wise Owl cannily plays them against one another to divert all eyes away from him.  His eventual slip of the tongue is abrupt and obvious, but doesn't detract from an otherwise really good (if not transcendently so) time.

Oh, and there's a cute almost-reference to Wise Owl's Medicine Man predecessor from the first season, but apparently the inventor of the RoarChick test (ha!) is in fact a different guy actually named Roar Chick and not this elder statesman seen standing behind Wild Eagle:

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

None of the thefts were a direct hit, but one can assume that the troopers being short of funds can't be a good thing for the saloon.

HEKAWI WISDOM?

How enthusiastically did they roll out the red carpet for Mr. Television?  He gets three aphorisms to the Chief's zero!  The first two:  "When fox look at sky, Easter get bitten on kneecap by toothless rabbit."  The second makes a little more sense, though it provokes one of Tucker's greatest reactions of the series: "Sometimes not wise to be wise--more wise to be unwise!'  

BAITING THE CENSORS?

Which brings us to our third Wise Old saying: "When shadow of wet bird fall on crooked log, time out for beaver."  Followed by Wise Owl abruptly ending his session with Agarn after seeing this P.O.V.: 

Wise Owl looks ready to walk over to her as the camera leaves.  Mmm hmmm....

PC, OR NOT PC?

Any lechery that followed that was kept offscreen, and Wise Owl gives some equal time to the traveling medicine show after paleface Professor Cornelius Clyde hoodwinked Wild Eagle and most of the troop in season one.  As noted above, the white men are just as deferential to all knowing Wise Owl as the natives, and he's no noble Native, already absolutely corrupted before getting absolute power over the investigation.  He's just as tyrannical to his own as the white suspects if not even more so.  Takes a while for O'Rourke to catch on to him, but to be fair the threat of losing his Vice President was more than a little distracting.  

THE ALL IMPORTANT NIELSENS:

Uncle Miltie's appearance probably didn't hurt, but the bigger factor in the highest Thursday rating to date (18.8 rating, 33.2 share) was likely lead-out TAMMY GRIMES (9.9!) getting replaced at 8:30 P.M. by THE DATING GAME (16.6).  Berle was returning a favor, as Storch and Tucker had appeared on Berle's new series the previous Friday.  Unfortunately they couldn't dislodge many viewers from MY GEISHA or THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and Berle was a poor third in the time slot yet again with a 12.0/21.8 share.  However, BERLE saw a spike the night after his F TROOP with a 13.8/25.3.  

THE BOTTOM LINE:

With its venerable guest star who is forever linked with Tucker in Hollywood lore The Great Troop Robbery can't help but be one of the most famous F TROOP installments.  Loads of fun but not quite as inspired as the business agreement that kick-starts the previous Burns/Marmer entry.  Despite the thin plot and fairly obvious guilty party, a good job from Berle makes this sitcom's inevitable amnesia plot highly enjoyable despite its slightness.  Originally rated it a half star higher; it's really close.  (*** out of four)

Film Review: STAGECOACH TO FURY (1956)

 "Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD/Blu yet?" -- Number 108

STAGECOACH TO FURY (1956 20th Century Fox/RegalFilms) Starring Forrest Tucker, Mari Blanchard, Rodolfo Hoyos, Wallace Ford, Paul Fix, Margia Dean, Wright King, Ellen Corby, Ian MacDonald, Leslye Banning, Rico Alaniz.  Written by Earle Lyon and Eric Norden.  Directed by William Claxton.

A disparate assortment of passengers on the titular stage are intercepted at a stopover by banditos expecting a gold shipment on the coach.  Leader Hoyos kills one commuter (for keeping his pants from falling!) and wounds driver Fix, motivating his shotgun rider (and army Captain) Tucker to give up the actual bullion's location--destination unchanged.  As Hoyos and company hold the travelers hostage, Tucker methodically waits for the right moment to strike back and flashbacks clue us in on what sent Blanchard, King and Ford headed towards Fury--and not just the town.

The very first of about fifty Regal Films to be produced in the late 1950s, STAGECOACH TO FURY spends a lot of time indoors on soundstages but offers a few novelties on the familiar situation of a diversified group held hostage by criminals.  In this case, the viewer gets backstories for Fix's passengers indicating to us that the situation is grimmer than we thought; the "help" that Tucker is hoping for from within simply isn't courageous or inclined towards team effort.  The lone exception to the latter is rewarded with a second chance while the true mercenaries get their just desserts.  Whether it is retribution for their earlier misdeeds, current selfishness, or both is open to interpretation.  Suffice to say they might have flunked a pop quiz from above.

Tucker's hero?  Surprisingly no flashback for him, and no romance with top billed femme fatale Blanchard either-- Tuck's engaged to Banning.  It doesn't stop him from standing up for Mari's honor when no one else will (which itself should clue the Captain in to the backup he's getting),  Blanchard's virtue is much more dubious than Tuck realizes and when the chips are down it's Banning who stands up to her.

"The eyes, they are the windows to the soul.  And these are such dirty windows."

Hoyos makes an intriguing antagonist; perceptive of Tuck's status but seemingly clairvoyant when it comes to Blanchard and (wanna-be) gunslinger King, with both meeting consequences at the hands of the banditos.  This horrifies their fellow travelers, but to the viewers privy to each's true circumstances, deserve seems to have everything to do with it.  Not that our thieves are avengers--they prove in the opening scene that the innocent aren't any safer than the guilty in their presence.

Hoyos' chain is only as sturdy as its weakest link, and that fatal flaw down the totem pole is found by the Captain, who is left completely in charge when Fix is wounded.  While a predictable imperfection in the plans, it seems to be a spot check that the otherwise well prepared Hoyos would not miss (he has English speaking underlings).  The lengthy hostage situation at the way station relegates the gorgeous Kanab, Utah scenery to the initial five minutes and the final fifteen, but even this limited outdoor exposure was enough to bring STAGECOACH TO FURY an Oscar nomination for best black and white cinematography (by Walter Strenge).

Both of Tuck's RegalScopes with Claxton and the writers turned a healthy profit ($147,000 and $135,000 respectively) in 1956-57, but while THE QUIET GUN ended up gaining a cult following and reevaluation over the years (culminating in a handsome Blu-Ray in 2015 from Olive Films), STAGECOACH TO FURY has largely vanished in the past few decades.  While FURY isn't nearly as good as the taut, terrific GUN, it doesn't deserve its dismissal as a "flat outlaw holdup oater" in Maltin's Guide (which curiously never even listed GUN in the 1980's/1990's) either.  

The star crossed Blanchard (after surviving polio as a child, she died after a seven year cancer battle at 47) was as underappreciated as the film; she would return to Regal Films to headline SHE DEVIL six months later.  While that and other Regals have made it to home video, STAGECOACH TO FURY remains unjustly on the sidelines--unreleased even during the VHS era.  However, you can now find it on YouTube:

F TROOP Fridays: "Reach for the Sky, Pardner" (1966)

 

F TROOP Fridays: Number 42  

F TROOP: "Reach for the Sky, Pardner" (1966 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season Two, Episode 38; original air date September 29, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane Angelica Thrift, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Bob Steele as Private Duffy, Joe Brooks as Vanderbilt.  Guest Stars: Charles Lane as Mr. Maguire, Paul Sorensen as Tombstone, George Barrows as Pecos, Mary Young as Widow O'Brien.  Written by Arthur Julian.  Directed by Seymour Robbie.

The latest expansion of O'Rourke Enterprises is a literal one of the Fort Courage saloon's banquet room, designed to attract convention business away from Dodge City.  The augmentation necessitated a loan from miserly Maguire, eager to foreclose on the lucrative property at the first missed payment.  The deadline is no problem for the Sarge....until desperado train robbers make off with the Fort Courage payroll during their latest heist.

"I guess it's true what the Apaches say about him--Wild Eagle is a cheap, miserly skinflint who wouldn't give his own mother a piece of dried buffalo!"

"Never know Apache such good judge of character!"

With trooper IOU's no longer a viable source and time of the essence, O'Rourke pulls every string he can.  Things look mighty dark after his business partners refuse to loan him the money, attempts to persuade a hardship emergency payroll are thwarted (partly since the real source of said hardship cannot be revealed to the Captain) and Maguire unsmilingly forecloses on poor old Widow O'Brien in front of them--so much for Irish sentimentality.  

"Sarge, you saved your saloon!"

"What's that, Corporal?"

"I said the train arrives at Noon!"

Just when it looks like the saloon is about to change hands, a lifeline is thrown by the unlikeliest of sources--territorial headquarters!  In the form of a second payroll via tomorrow's train.  With no margin for error, O'Rourke and Agarn volunteer Parmenter to go undercover as mail clerks to ensure safe delivery.  There's also a warning about the bandits, however: murderers wanted in four states.  So is it a lifeline or a death line?

"Oh, Wilton, I just love it when you make these quick decisions!"

Your money or your life?  The question that had Jack Benny thinking it over for a patented pregnant pause causes no such consternation for O'Rourke and Agarn--greed wins decisively.  The troopers both voluntell their boss in head spinning fashion that they'll accompany the payroll.  For his part, President O'Rourke never wavers, while V.P. Agarn separates slightly once they're on the train and reality sets in.

  

"If they get THAT payroll it'll be over our dead bodies!"

"YOU shoot it out with them, Sarge!  I'd rather reach for the sky than BE there!"

Expansion of O'Rourke Enterprises is a frequent F TROOP storyline but usually involves the creation of new souvenirs or side businesses.  This time, literal expansion of the existing cornerstone is the focus, with the Sarge looking to compete aggressively with Dodge instead of just extolling the 109 mile distance to that next saloon.  It doesn't appear that the more fiscally conservative Wild Eagle was enthusiastic about this growth from his reaction to his partner's request for a debt relief loan.  Wild Eagle's reticence to loan money to O'Rourke isn't surprising, but the Chief risking the potential loss of his lucrative whisky sales (maybe the next owner will buy Hekawi, maybe not) by not having his pal's back raises an eyebrow.  He'd normally acquiesce after negotiating himself some solid vigorish.  

While we're on the subject of the cheeseparing, Charles Lane moonlights from PETTICOAT JUNCTION and gives O'Rourke Enterprises a different kind of threat, one arguably more difficult to solve than any Inspector General to date.  You'd think he could obtain the saloon by simply threatening to expose the Sarge's clandestine proprietorship, but takeover doesn't appear to be his primary motivation.  Rightly so.  If you're a banker it's probably more profitable for less of a headache to keep the vigorish coming in without actually running the place or trying to find a suitable buyer.  Notice he shows no pleasure in obtaining the widow's property and considers it an immediate headache, wanting to unload it "cheap".

O'Rourke Enterprises seems to be a much more open secret than previously intimated, since it is used as collateral for Maguire's loan.  But as long as Captain Parmenter is kept in the dark, that's all that matters.  Nevertheless "the old man" is oh-so-close to getting in on the secret twice, once when he stumbles onto the construction (just missing the Sarge barking out instructions), and later after he smuggles himself onto the train to assist his undercover underlings.  Fortunately the President and Vice President don't engage in any shop talk during that brief time that they are unaware of Wilton's presence. 

Reach for the Sky, Pardner lacks a secondary plot, but that doesn't hurt this nimble entry from Julian, who bounces back nicely after the subpar How to be F Troop Without Really Trying.  O'Rourke's search for alternate funding leads us through the lyrics from When Irish Eyes are Smiling, September in the Rain and (best of all) Oh! That's Good, No That's Bad in the first Act alone--one song for each stop, in fact.  The only real quibble comes from killer bandits Tombstone and Pecos both being so distracted by the hot n' spicy letter that they fail to notice O'Rourke taking his gun off them while he listens.  To be fair, that's an almost pornographic letter for 1866 and even pretty interesting a century and a half later--see more below.

It's a quite venerable guest cast this time, with Mary Young making her penultimate TV appearance at 87 alongside Lane, who was 60 but always looked 87 and had another three decades left in his career (he died at 102 in 2007).  ROBOT MONSTER Barrows not only gets out of his usual gorilla suit but is also credited for a change, and Sorensen was over a decade away from his long running recurring gig as cartel oilman Andy Bradley on DALLAS. 

NAGGING QUESTIONS:

One will come later, during Bring on the Dancing Girls.  In that installment, Dan Larsen blackmails "the owner of the building" who is leasing to O'Rourke--yet here, O'Rourke must be the owner, since the saloon is his collateral for the loan.  Well, is the Sarge owning or leasing?  Which is it, Arthur Julian, since you wrote both episodes?

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

Sarge comes away with a nice windfall in the end that for once is related to his duties as a soldier instead of his illicit activities elsewhere.  While things look shaky until that point, the banquet room will come in handy when Emilio Barberini passes through later (La Dolce Courage).

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

Zero, in fact he's a model soldier in spite of himself here, heroically capturing two killer bandits with assists from Parmenter and Agarn.  

BAITING THE CENSORS:

Julian slyly gets a blowjob reference past them while Agarn reads the sexy letter: "you placed your lips on my mouth---(pregnant pause, turns page)---organ".  

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

Wild Eagle is slipping--he can't recall the wise old Indian saying about lending money.  The paleface have one of their own: "You don't lend O'Rourke the money, he loses his saloon!  And stops buying whisky from you, and you walk around with holes in your moccasins!"  A bit long winded, but the Chief concedes it isn't a bad little saying.  

THE ALL IMPORTANT NIELSENS:

Reach for the Sky, Pardner underperformed the season average with a 17.3 rating/29.8 share, losing to DANIEL BOONE on NBC.  Lead-out THE TAMMY GRIMES SHOW was really dragging ABC's fortunes down, posting an absolutely abysmal 9.9/16.6 in what would be the disastrous sitcom's fourth and final airing.  With GRIMES gone the following week, F TROOP rebounded to a 33.2 share and began the climb back to 1965-66 levels that took the first half of the season to complete.  Yes, GRIMES really was a debacle heretofore unseen on network television at the time. 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

This time the status quo is threatened by a menacing miser, proving that black swan events for our Enterprises don't have to come from Washington, D.C.  Wobbles a bit in its resolution but Julian has his feel for these characters back and Robbie (arguably the finest F TROOP director--close race with Rondeau IMO) camouflages the thinness of the plot nicely.  O'Rourke Enterprises in peril is always a winner for this sitcom, and Charles Lane guest starring is a winner for any sitcom.  Reach for the Sky, Pardner has both of these positives.   (***1/2 out of four) 

F TROOP airs 9 to 10 a.m. weekday mornings on Outlaw The Western Channel.

Guest posting at IT'S ABOUT TV! Today

THAT BOB, with Tania Velia!  

Very special thanks to Mitchell Hadley, author of the forthcoming DARKNESS IN PRIME TIME and several other television books.  You know his IT'S ABOUT TV blog very well from my links on the right side of your page and weekly TV GUIDE posts every Saturday, and he has kindly invited me to provide today's guest post at his blog.

The occasion?  An appreciation of THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW, a.k.a. LOVE THAT BOB, which turns 70 this year.  Yes, I previously posted an overview of the series way back when on the 100th anniversary of the star's birth, but starting the episode guide on this blog has given me new perspective on my prior thoughts.

Gratuitously showing you Lisa Gaye (2nd from L) as I am apt to do

Check out today's post at this link, and check out this one for more information on Mr. Hadley's past and forthcoming literary works.  We now turn back to our regular programming at The Horn Section, and will resume the ongoing episode guides next week.  As always, thanks for reading!

F TROOP Fridays: "How to be F Troop Without Really Trying" (1966)

 

F TROOP Fridays: Number 41 

F TROOP: "How to be F Troop Without Really Trying" (ABC-TV/Warner Brothers 1966)  Season Two, Episode 2; Original Air Date: September 15, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat, James Hampton as Bugler Hannibal Dobbs, Bob Steele as Duffy, Joe Brooks as Vanderbilt.  Guest Stars: George Tyne as Major Bradley and Les Brown Jr. as Lieutenant Harrison.  Written by Arthur Julian.  Directed by David Alexander.

Major Bradley is the latest visiting officer to ride into Fort Courage.  Inspection?  Hardly. F Troop has been ordered to train their own replacements, G Troop.  The entire squad is being transferred to Bloody Creek, with the exception of one N.C.O. who will remain: Corporal Randolph Agarn.  

This news is poorly received by all: Agarn doesn't want to be left with a bunch of strangers, Jane and Wilton don't want to be separated by distance, and O'Rourke surely doesn't want to be away from his lucrative side hustle (though, unbelievably, this isn't even brought up until Act II).  An order is an order, however, and this is one time Uncle Sam seemingly won't be deterred by any shenanigans.

After The Singing Mountie opened F TROOP's sophomore season with a bang, the second color entry is a huge letdown.  The weakest of the 36 segments to date, How to be F Troop Without Really Trying is almost completely incongruous with everything that preceded it--surprising since it was written by the most prolific of the show's writers, Arthur Julian.  The single biggest issue is the complete impotence of Sergeant O'Rourke, heretofore the man who ruled while Parmenter reigned.  

More fun than the audience is having, that's for sure

Much like Bilko at Fort Baxter a century after him, O'Rourke was the real mover and shaker at Fort Courage.  When we met him in Scourge of the West, he'd already eliminated two Captains and a Major before Parmenter arrived (two desertions, one nervous breakdown) and gave him his "Great White Pidgeon"--the perfect C.O. for O'Rourke Enterprises.  Presidency of that Enterprises paid well enough that a General's pay would be a salary reduction, and threats to the Sarge's business were eliminated one by one--be they from a quartet of visiting Majors (including one from the Bengal Lancers!) or from empowered members of Parmenter's esteemed military family.  He might be temporarily bowed by each obstacle presented, but O'Rourke was never surrendering his highly profitable side hustle meekly.  

That Sergeant O'Rourke is missing entirely from How to be F Troop Without Really Trying.  Previously defending his Enterprises at all costs, he's oddly submissive to this order, deferring to Wilton's formal protest via official channels.  The helplessness might be understandable, but not the apathy.  The Sarge weirdly seems more concerned with the potential breakup of Jane and Wilton than with the loss of his own business until the literal day before the move, when he suddenly realizes he has one.  Even then we get no real subterfuge from the NCO's or their partners, just a toothless threat from Wild Eagle to break the treaty which goes nowhere.  A man willing to sabotage military strategy (to the point of letting the Hekawi take over Fort Courage once!) and even risk being burned at the stake to save his beloved establishment is now ungrudgingly handing the reigns to Agarn and becoming a soldier again.  Hey...who are you, and what have you done with Morgan O'Rourke?

The impression given is that working on Major Bradley is completely useless against this bureaucratic order--one somehow superior to all the others previously faced.  Why then, is it so abruptly overturned by a few seconds of post-Parmenter ineptitude (no worse than anything we've seen previously) by....Major Bradley?  And Sarge does nothing to facilitate the eventual fatal flaw---that incompetent F Troop would produce trainees just as hopeless.  He's already ridden off to Bloody Creek, when in fact this Achilles heel should have been one of O'Rourke's first thoughts, since this was his initial counter to the threat Bentley Royce posed in the aforementioned Phantom Major.  

As for the Vice President, Corporal Agarn's response also lacks his previous greed and ambition.  Before now (Play, Gypsy, Play and Lt. O'Rourke, Front and Center) eager to prove he could provide the brains of the organization just as well as the Sarge, Agarn is also a changed man for the worse.  Yeah, he's always been gentler than O'Rourke, but never to the point of having no heart whatsoever for even keeping the Enterprises going without him.  He's always been a weeper, but an avaricious one.  Until now, that is.  

"I was told you even smoked the peace pipe."

"I didn't inhale!"

With complete changes in our characters that normally would never be found outside of a dream sequence, there's little to recommend about How to be F Troop Without Really Trying.  It is historically significant for the above line, a quarter century before Bill Clinton famously used it, and also as the very first example of the "Who says I'm dumb?" exchange that would rival the falling lookout tower as F TROOP's signature running gag.  The rest of the time, this slow moving plot give us lots of ineptitude-fueled slapstick and sappy sentimentality failing to bolster Julian's still-solid wordplay.  Fortunately, O'Rourke and Agarn would return to being their normal materialistic selves in subsequent weeks, thankfully making this dire affair an outlier.  

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

About to go bankrupt without a whimper, apparently.  We never even visit the saloon and it is as if it doesn't even exist this week.  Strangely, O'Rourke has all that merchandise surrounding him while he sits in the NCO Club while he worries about the fate of the Wilton/Jane romance.  Yes, really.

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN TRIED FOR TREASON?

He did consort with the enemy when he advised the Chief to threaten to break the treaty.  That's still a far cry from actually throwing battles or paying for easily repelled attacks, though, and not nearly as much fun.

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

Not much wisdom from anyone young or old in this.  Parmenter had a long-winded quote from his father that defended seemingly unjust Army orders, but extra verbiage didn't equal extra wisdom or humor.  

HISTORICAL FACTS:

Agarn asks Duffy to send him a letter Pony Express about his Alamo exploits, with the Private reminding him that it stopped running five years ago.  ("I know that Duffy.")  It did in fact cease operations in October 1861, so apparently How to be F Troop Without Really Trying takes place exactly one century prior to its September 1966 air date.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

The worst installment to date by far and arguably the worst of the entire series.  Other segments that didn't get the show's characters right were usually done by freelancers or first time F TROOP scripters. Writing his 15th episode here, Arthur Julian has no such excuse.  Fortunately, this was not indicative of a new direction.  Sandwiched between The Singing Mountie and Bye, Bye Balloon, How to be F Troop without Really Trying is an isolated dud best skipped over while you are binging IMO.  (1/2 star out of ****)

F TROOP is currently airing weekdays at 9 a.m. Eastern on THE OUTLAW NETWORK. 

Television Review: LOVE THAT BOB: "Bob and the Ballerina" (1959)

LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW: "Bob and the Ballerina" (NBC-TV/Laurel-McCadden Productions 1959) Original Air Date: May 5, 1959.  Starring Bob Cummings as Bob Collins, Rosemary deCamp as Margaret MacDonald, Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, Dwayne Hickman as Chuck MacDonald, Sylvia Lewis as Natasha, Lawrence Dobkin as Maestro Bert Prival, Elvia Allman as Sylvia Montague, Marjorie Bennett as Betsy Niemeyer, Larri Thomas as Daphne, Jean Willes as Evelyn Engel, Tammy Marihugh as Tammy Johnson.  Written by Paul Henning and Dick Wesson.  Directed by Bob Cummings. 

Introduction to the LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW episode guide is at this link.

Missing out on a beach vacation because her ladies' club is hosting a ballet, Margaret is dismayed to learn the the production of Swan Lake is troubled despite the secured services of director Prival and star Natasha.  The source of the trouble?  Here's a hint: after calling in with a "charley horse" for today's rehearsal, Natasha was observed leaving her apartment with a bearded gentleman.

"If you ask me, the horse is a wolf!"

Yes, the only one making any progress with the temperamental star is Margaret's brother Bob.  Prival bemoans that Natasha has missed multiple rehearsals, and is too pooped to pirouette when she does show.  Prival is ready to resign, but the ladies beg for patience: in a last ditch effort to save the production, they've set a trap to catch the couple and move practices to a top secret location away from El Lobo.

"Stay quiet as mice and we'll catch a rat!"

The second half of Bob and the Ballet, Bob and the Ballerina continues that installment's effort to get back to the show's basics and steer away from the Tammy Marihugh Experiment.  Over a decade before THE BRADY BUNCH crashed and burned with Cousin Oliver, THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW attempted to introduce a youngster to idolize Bob with the pending departure of Dwayne Hickman to headline DOBIE GILLIS.  The eight episode Tammy arc accelerated the show's diminishing returns both creatively (we were past 150 episodes at this point) and in the all important Nielsens, so Tammy and her aunt are jettisoned to a beach vacation in the first thirty seconds so Bob can get back to horndog mode. And as Tammy exits, nephew Chuck returns--for Act One, anyway.

Finally, after several episodes trying to woo Tammy's widow aunt Evelyn, Bob is back to being our Playboy, sweeping the ballerine leader right off her feet.  "The King" is back in top form: Natasha is miserable when she's missing practices, but her interest level trumps all and Bob's organ is beating Bert's organizing, so to speak.  Since Margaret's culture committee needs its star, Maestro Prival has a lot of backing in his efforts to reclaim Swan Lake's star attraction. 

Womanizing is back on the front burner, Chuck's back at home, Bob is in full lothario mode (just can't wait until the show is over to woo her, can he?) and facing many obstacles to his latest conquest.  What's not to like?  The problems that preceded ersatz domestication remain: creative exhaustion with over 160 episodes in the can and a reduced writing team.  In LOVE THAT BOB's prime years we had a trio or quartet of scripters but Henning and Wesson had to handle the entire 38 episodes for 1958-59 themselves.  The strain shows: while this plot is faithful to the original premise, the execution isn't as crisp as before despite Cummings' disciplined direction.  

Bob and the Ballerina isn't overly reliant on slapstick like a few other fifth season entries, but isn't quite as inspired as the show at its peak either.  Natasha remains "tired, temperamental and uncooperative" when rehearsal is moved, so Bob seems more like a scapegoat instead of the root of the problem.  The denouement seems to open up more problems for Prival--how cooperative will jealous Natasha be working with Daphne now that she thinks the latter has been trying to steal her man?  Bob's comeuppance is based on wrongful accusation; it was always funnier when he crashed and burned under his own hubris.  

NATASHA: These are legs of a prima ballerina!

PRIVAL: Those are legs of Primo Carnera!

Still, there are some terrific lines and sight gags here, and Dobkin is inspired as Prival.  The real Bert Prival started dancing in the 1920's with the Metropolitan Opera and kept his durable L.A. dance studio until 1981.  Dobkin's fictional version is meticulous, enjoying telling off his fickle star when he thinks he has a replacement, and hilariously obsequious once he realizes he doesn't.  He isn't a romantic rival for Natasha, but he sure looks envious at Bob's mastery of her moods.  

The great Sylvia Lewis is still with us at 93, and makes her sixth series appearance after playing an eponymous model during the first two seasons.  Her lifelong friend and fellow dancer Larri Thomas passed through for the only time with this two parter; a shame, she'd have fit right in as one of the many models in Bob's studio and has a funny scene throwing herself at him (Bert's idea).

The retro approach makes this one of the best episodes in the final stretch for BOB CUMMINGS; with only nine episodes to go, we had the return of Tammy (thankfully, no longer a focus) and more "name" stars playing fictionalized versions of themselves (Ken Murray, Harry Von Zell) yet to come in efforts to freshen the humor.  But what worked best for LOVE THAT BOB was simple trust in its original premise, and Bob and the Ballerina offers solid proof of that despite falling short of top tier status. 

WHO WAS BLOCKING?

Outside of Chuck, who isn't given security clearance for the top secret rehearsal location, everyone is trying to stop our boy this time.  

Go away, boy, you bother me!

DID BOB SCORE?

Seems likely from the comments at this episode's outset that he already has with Natasha....see next section:

MOST SUGGESTIVE LINE:

"You can dance one length in your sleep...and a couple more nights like last night and you will!"  

See what I mean?  The mob is successful in stopping Bobby Boy from any repeat performances during this one, albeit through wrongful accusation. For once he isn't two timing!  It also seems like this comeuppance is unlikely to stick for long, Natasha's mood changes early and often. 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

It is great to see LOVE THAT BOB returning to its roots after flirting way too much with domestic conventionality for two months of shows, and Bob's carnal pursuits conflicting with his sister's charitable venture is always a winner.  All that said, inspired scripts like Bob Gives S.R.O. Performance have put up a high bar to clear in that latter area, and while Bob and the Ballerina is a decent, slightly above average effort, Cummings and friends aren't quite all the way back to top form here.  At least LOVE THAT BOB is looking like an adult sitcom again instead of coming painfully close to becoming what it spent four years lampooning.  (*** out of four)

Courtesy of Vern's 16 MM Showcase on Youtube, here's a terrific 16 MM print with original Winston commericals of Bob and the Ballerina for your viewing pleasure.  Yes, it is disabled on this site, so you'll have to click on the link to watch it there: